goodbye 2008

i feel so sluggish right now
iv been dancing and working out all day
but then i had a bowl of cereal, then i had another.
I always water down the milk & its soy milk i have so there is almost no fat but now my stomach hurts.
drinking lots of coffee since it has laxitive effects but its not working yet so my stomach just feels swolen.
It needs to be gone by 10pm since that is when i am going out for new year & i need to be thin.
My mpother always said to tidy my room on new years eve, because if its tidy at the start of the year then it shall be like that for the rest of it, so im sticking to that logic about being thin.
& I shall be avoiding alcohol tonight as usual, too many calories

A new year a new thin me!

sex = food substitute

I had amazing sex last night
& alot of it
anytime i started to feel hungry i just started kissing him & well you know the rest
& i actually lost wieght! over night!
although i had to go out for a pizza hut with my friends for her birthday, kinda felt like i wasted my work
i guess the positive spin is that i at least burned off more than i ate

fresh start

iv deleted all my old blogs
i need a fresh start, i need motivation!
iv lost all my will power & have somehow achieved what the americans call the freshmen 15!
i am disgusted with myself!
& the holidays havent helped.
sometimes i wish i smoked just so i could have something to surpress my appetite
looking back at ols pictures from this time last year, my stomach was so concave, my hip & colar bones stuck right out but not now
clothes feel tighter on me, iv started wearing baggy things so that people dont see the fat thro the tight clothes
I need help!!!
or sex, thats good for replacing hunger
god i remember enjoying the feeling of hunger, now i eat when im hungry
im so down right now.