Action cancel, fuck recovery

So I lost the weight again but AGAIN Action boy had to cancel, he had a college thing at 9am so he wouldn't be able to spend the night since he has to travel to see me, I was still really upset
I was frustrated and wanted to have an amazing night of sex with an amzing guy but I was left feeling rejected as per usual.
So I decided fuck it
I hate this ed anything I reach a gw my 'reward' never happens, Im never happy no matter what!
So I made myself a proper sized dinner, all vegan so I felt ok about it, was just terrified at the size
but I started eating it, while on msn talking to Aiden when he started on about politics
I was like no im not interested in politics, its like religion, unless it is unavoidably important then i dont want to know,
and with him being on of the few that knows about my ED I said
I'm more concered about eating a proper meal rather than starving myself

big statment yeah

he turns round and said well i think you need to get your prioritys straight, politics are important.
well can I say Iv never had one comment hit me so hard
i for the first time ever managed to purge my food, it was horrible.
the rest of the meal is in the bin
I hate him
Im even more determinded to reach my GW now
fuck trying to recover, im not dying so theres no need
this thing makes me miserable and happy at the same time
in a perfect world i wouldn't I have this but guess what
we are all in this one big flaw we call life!